Resolutions continued..........

So going off my last post I continue my resolutions. One of them being to take more pictures. Tony and I invested in a really nice Canon DSLR this past year. We always have the best intentions of taking pictures but then forget! And seriously, even if I don't want to lug around the big gun it's not that hard to take my little digital camera with me in my purse to capture moments. So this year I am going to try really hard to take more pics.
Geocaching. This is something that Tony and I really enjoy doing (as you can see from previous posts). But its something we just haven't done that much of. One of the biggest reasons is grad school. I know I blame it most of the time for why I don't/can't get things done, but it's all I do! There just aren't enough hours in a day. But maybe if we plan ahead of time we can stick to it and start doing more of it. At REI they are really expanding their caching stuff. They have a section dedicated to it now.
I have quite a few other "little" resolutions too. Now that I look at these -they are not so much resolutions as parts of my life I want to improve on or things I want to do. I know that for the first half of the year (until August 13th! Graduation day!) they are all going to have to go on the back burner because I'll be going to school full time, but maybe every now and again I can find the time to do things I really enjoy doing. Like sewing (or more like learning to sew), keeping a cleaner house (how can 2 people and a dog get a house so dirty?), cooking more, baking more, keeping in touch better with friends and family. Take language classes (free Rosetta Stone through the college library - how can I pass that up???).
Oh, and we have big plans for the garden this year. We are going to expand it to double in size so that we can grow more food!! We had a lot of fun last summer and learned some lessons. We have already started planning how we are going to lay it out and what we are going to plant. The veggies just tasted so good and it felt good to eat straight out of the garden. Hopefully this year I will have enough to can as well.
One of the bigger resolutions I am really going to try and stick to is letting go of guilt. I am guilt ridden! It's almost debilitating. I feel bad about everything. I think of things that happened years ago and I am plagued with guilt about what I should have done or didn't do or did wrong. I know how unhealthy it is. I am still not sure how I am going to do accomplish this. If I start letting things go I know it will help. I feel like it's part of my DNA to feel so bad about next to everything. Like taking time off work - it's hard to even enjoy it because I think of what I should be doing or what I am going to have to face when I get back. I worry that maybe I'm not in the right career field. I worry that I don't have children yet....and what if I can't? What if I wait so long to start trying that I am not able to? I feel guilty that I don't do as well in school as I should. Oh, I could go on and on and on with this list.
On this same note another thing I need to do is learn to let things go. I know in my head that not everyone is going to want to keep/maintain friendships. I guess I just always think that even if you don't talk to someone often that you continue thinking positive thoughts and hoping good things come their way, but not everyone is like that. This sounds negative, but I need to accept that and realize that friendships are two sided and they cannot be maintained by only one side. And I will still continue praying for people and wishing great things for their life, but I cannot allow the non existant reciprocation of this to affect me. I mean, how many times do you reach out to someone before you realize that they are never going to reach back? Does it make you a fool to continue trying? Maybe it is just a waste of time that you could be spending on those that really count in your life, those that are going to be there at the finish line waiting for you with open arms and an iced coke. Once you realize that you can see that they were the ones cheering you one the whole time, even when you were falling, when you were wanting to give up and walk away, they were the ones who loved you no matter what and they are ones that are important then you can focus your energy on doing the same for them. And I don't want this to sound like I am going to start taking people out of the address book, I'm just not going to put as much heart into those relationships. I'm going to try and keep them at arms length, then its not such a big deal when in the past I would be disappointed. I think part of why I am feeling this way is our lack of friendships here in Colorado. As you get older too, I think you realize that there are a few people who really count in life and they need/want you as bad as you do them. I am so lucky and so grateful for the lovely people in my life....the ones who will drop everything to listen, who know just what to say and who know it's ok to not say anything at all sometimes. The ones who call just to hear your voice and be reassured that you are ok. So here is to letting the nagging feeling that it's my fault go to the wayside with the rest of 2009.

New Year's Resolutions and other notions

It seems like everyday I add to my list of resolutions. Things I want to change about myself. I usually don't do resolutions because I seem to break them the minute I make them - but this year I'm hoping to turn that trend around. And what a better time to do so as I enter my 29th year. That's right, the BIG 2-9. I figure I ought to try and end this decade on a high note.
My biggest resolution is to start running again. Not only that - but to run with a purpose(s). I know that mentally it will make me feel a million times better. It will help me to de-stress. With all that I have had going on for the past year and half, the move, new job, going back to school along with all the other everyday stresses that we all face, I desperately need to do something to help me cope. I also have this dream of ending my twenties at the size I was at the beginning of my twenties. That is going to be close to impossible, but a girl can dream, right? Granted I haven't gotten on a scale since last summer, but I know I have a ways to go. I also plan on signing up for some competitive runs. The best part about these is that you are always striving for your own PR, it's not so much a race against anyone else. I love that running is measurable, be it time or distance or both. I think that if I sign up for some ahead of time I will have more drive to keep practicing. I just keep trying to remember how good it felt when I accomplished my best run. It wasn't very fast, but it was definetly the hardest run I ever did. It was not that far, maybe 3 1/2 miles, but I did it the whole way through without walking and I felt so good about myself when I finished. It was a course I had done so many times before, but had usually had to stop and walk for a bit halfway through. If I keep thinking about how good that felt I know it will help me to be inspired. I'm reading a book right now on running and one of the suggestions was to find a running group. When we lived in Federal Hill there was a running group that I always wish I would have joined. The book says that it will help you to stay committed and make your runs more fun. Maybe this would be an opportunity to make some friends as well. I'll have to look into it (another item added to my to-do list). Another idea from the book was to expand your running courses. So maybe I can start trail running. That is one thing that I am a little nervous about since my knees are so bad - so I'll have to try it out and see if I can do it. I have seen some people trail running while we have been out hiking and they are hard core!! But the scenary might be worth it.
Well, this is enough for now. My first resolution. I'll have to list the rest of them in another post. Right now I need to finish getting ready for my sister!! She's driving up tonight and I can't wait! We are going to try and go either cross country skiing or snow shoeing on Wednesday in Breckenridge. They have a Nordic Center there with groomed trails. We have been snow shoeing before but never CC skiing - which looks like so much fun! I love the winter and I want to make the most of it. It's just so nice to be outside enjoying the white fluffy stuff. Hopefully I'll remember to take pictures (take more pictures - another resolution). Maybe we can even do some Geo-caching while we are up in the mountains (see - another resolution!!).