I had to take an assessment test before my accounting class starts next Tuesday. And I failed.....so of course, I feel like a failure. It was not at all what I thought it would be. What is wrong with me? I'm just in a sad mood, so I'm going to vent.
I got off work late....again. Completely overwhelmed.
I need new contacts ASAP!
The computer is bombing out...again.
The new TV we just got already bit the dust and some repair guy can't come out until next week.
I have to sit through an accounting class on Saturday in order to take the test...again...and I have to pass this time in order to take the class.
How can I have not passed a BASIC accounting exam? Seriously?? I know I haven't taken an accounting class since 2002 but still!!! That is only 7 years ago!!!! Urghh.
I'm just a sappy mess. I'm holding in my crying right now and my heart fills full of tears. I hate that! No, it's not because of my exam, although that did add to my stress. I saw an old friend's myspace (yes, I know, myspace...am I 13?) profile and it just brought up a lot of old memories. You know, the kind you suppress and only think about when you are ready to lay your head down and sob until your dehydrated. I haven't spoken to him in so many years....too many years. He and I share a past that is heartbreaking and beautiful. This was not a romantic relationship - it was just a friendship. I wonder if people forget that you love them if you let a relationship fall to the side? I think part of the reason we didn't keep in touch was because it was too painful to do so, at least that is my excuse. He is a reminder....and it's not like I need reminders of ANYTHING to do with my past. I am the master of carrying my past everywhere I go. And I have learned to live with all that has happened. I have learned how to deal with happiness and sorrow and to live a life effected by them, yet not affect me on a daily basis. I think that no matter how old you get or how long ago in the past something happened, the emotions can sneak up on you and make it feel like it happened recently. Pain dulls, but is that only because we learn to live with it? That must be it because it's not like you look back and say "it wasn't that bad or that good". It becomes a scar that we are used to seeing everyday. Then you run into someone that shares a similar scar, they may have it in a different place and theirs may be deeper, but it reopens your wound and reminds you that it will never truly go away.
Case of the Mondays
14 years ago
5 comments:
Awe Melissa. I wonder if intuitively I knew you were having a hard time yesterday, you were on my mind a lot and I planned to call you this weekend. I understand the kind of aching that you're feeling and had a sort of rough day of heart ache myself. Let's catch up if you feel like it this weekend and we can unload a little. I miss your smiling face!
By the way, I deleted my first comment because when I said "I miss your smiling face," I wrote you're instead of your :o).
You're too sweet. I miss you too. And I still have a lump in my throat, so our convo might be weepy.
If anyone can write emotion while being completely ambiguous about the situation, you just won the prize. You have me upset for you. I don't want you to feel bad.
We sooo need to get together...
Post a Comment