I'm nervous, anxious, scared.
Do I belong here? Already I feel like everyone is smarter than I am. What if it's too hard? What if I fall on my face? What if I fail?
On the verge of tears.
I am now realizing that everyone brought their laptop. Except for me...shit.
I feel out of place. I know my anxiety is apparent I hear other languages being spoken. This is a part time grad program...Great, even the guy with highlights that just touched down from Cali has his laptop.
At least everyone looks older like me. That's comforting.
I am so intimidated right now. What am I doing? The girls sitting in the row in back of me are fast becoming friends, I can hear a couple of them giggling. Sitting in front of their brand new dells....man, new technology scares me.
So I feel ALOT better now, after the class. The professor was very interesting and engaging. And it wasn't over my head. I remembered my t's, z's and probabilities some what. I walked out feeling like maybe I do have something to offer. I just doubt myself sometimes. This is going to be a big dedication, but if I put my whole heart into it, I know I can do my best. It was just scary to start something new. Walking through the campus to class today reminded me of the first days of my freshman year of college. Feeling small in a great big college. Wondering if I was going to be as smart as the other students, if I was going to make friends. Is everyone going to be dressed up? You would think 10 years later I would be so much more confident....but I think everyone is apprehensive when they are starting a new chapter in their lives.
2 comments:
You can do it!! How awesome that you signed up for your class. Good luck!
Oh, you poor girl! This write was awesome though, you were so candid and open about your feelings. I would have wanted to crawl into a hole too, you are braver than I my dear. I'm so glad it went well. Great job girl!
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